Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
