Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
