So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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