JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
