I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
