I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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