Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
