I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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