Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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