I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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