About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
