I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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