I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize