If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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