I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
