id be glad to
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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