Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
wow bdsm is so cute
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
