my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
