So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize