id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
