i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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