and you said cock pushups were impossible
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
