This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
