census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
