YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
