just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
