i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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