I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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