Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
