whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can text with my tongue
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
