Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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