the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think i have herpe
just one?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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