i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need to sanitize my soul.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
