Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
