this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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