If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
