He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
