My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
