I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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