dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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