she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
