Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my shit smells like andre
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
