the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
