Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
