Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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