she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize