Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
