you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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