You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
