i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
