The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
