Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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