well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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