Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
