There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
