Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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