If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize