Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
