I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
