laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would ride that face into the sunset
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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