Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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