what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize