was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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