CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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