i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
