nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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