he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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