id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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