i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
