Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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