Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
