I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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