Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
